Chapter 63: Whatever Happened to…?
I am always asking for news of my former students, staff and coworkers. Sometimes I wish I didn’t ask. I am usually dismayed by what I hear, though not surprised. I didn’t need a crystal ball to predict some of the outcomes.
A UPS chasing substitute teacher? About two months before I left, Lynne handed me a pile of phone messages from someone who called half a dozen times that day seemingly desperate to teach at Prospect. With a straight face Lynne watched me read the messages. “The name of this wanna-be teacher was vaguely familiar. Should I know her?” Lynne’s curly red hair is standing on end and her eyes are bulging as she takes her hands as if to strangle me, saying, “It’s The Prison Guard!” I rapidly discard the stack of phone messages as if they were flaming and advise Lynne to throw away any subsequent phone messages from this caller.
Oscar, the principal of Haven Hill? He almost lost his job again for incompetence (again) but he begged the Superintendent to let him stay, saying he only has a few years before he retires. So the Superintendent made him principal at the public school for the ESE (Special Education) students with disabilities so debilitating they can’t function in a regular classroom. Once again, the children who need the most get the least….
Agnes, Oscar’s secretary at Haven Hill? She is the receptionist at a Herald County Public School building. Unclear as to whether she hung her Confederate flag in her new office.
Vince, the custodian? He retired.
Mr. Ericson, the owner of Ericson’s Speedy Mart who made a racist comment about the music? He and his wife sold the gas station to a family from India and are now customers rather than owners of Ericsons.
Stone, the teacher who wanted to be a Baptist Minister? After I left, he was groomed by The Boss to become principal and was put in that position temporarily, but the promotion never came to pass. Stone was furious and shortly thereafter, in September 2004, his name appeared in the local section of the newspaper: “An alternative school teacher was arrested Wednesday after fighting with a student, authorities said…. (He) was charged with physical child abuse after witnesses said he attacked a Prospect School student.”
Witnesses say Stone was heaping insults on the boy and poking him in the chest when the boy punched Stone. Stone shoved the boy, the boy hit back and Stone began to punch the boy violently in the face. Marci, the permanent substitute teacher, was standing nearby. Stone asked her to say he didn’t hit the boy. She refused, telling me later she couldn’t tell whether Stone, in his fit of rage. really didn’t remember hitting the boy or whether he was asking her to lie. Stone turned in his resignation, was handcuffed and taken away in the squad car to the county jail where he was later released after posting $2000 bond. Two months later Stone phoned asking me to write him a recommendation for a job that did not involve working with children.
Noreen, the math teacher with a criminal background who altered the hospital discharge papers for which she was subsequently fired? She was hired in 2004 as a teacher at ESAK and two weeks later was promoted to Director of Education at ESAK where she works today.
Marci the substitute teacher? After my departure she was made a teacher with the largest class despite only having a two year degree in criminology. During the Stone incident, Marci tried to break up the fight. In the course of this action, two of Stone’s punches connected with her head. Marci resigned shortly after the Stone incident and took a position at ESAK in their “outdoors” program. She will soon complete her BA in criminal justice and wants to earn an MA in counseling.
Buffy, the certified elementary teacher who never hung anything on her walls? Buffy was hired by Herald County Public Schools to teach the most at-risk third graders – those who were repeating third grade for the first or second time due to failing the FCAT. The principal who hired her without soliciting any feedback from me, is reportedly very unhappy with Buffy. She struggles with classroom management, the children aren’t learning, and their parents complained to him that when they came to open house night, they were upset to see bleak, bare classroom walls.
Henry, my public school liaison? Henry still has his job as liaison to the alternative schools and he is still of the opinion that these troubled children don’t deserve any more than they are getting.
Lucy, my fellow Prospect principal who resigned before me? She is an art teacher at a public school in a poor neighborhood in Tampa.
Lynne, my business manager? She is the receptionist at a Herald County Public elementary school. She is very overqualified for the position and the pay is much less than her former salary, but it is a job without the daily stress she experienced at Prospect. She reports that no parents curse at her and she never has to deal with anyone like The Boss. She does report that the principal at her new school has staff hold hands and pray before meetings.
Jordan, the teacher? After he and his new wife returned to his home in Alabama to care for his terminally ill father, they now have three daughters and he is working as a middle school social studies teacher in the public schools.
Rosie, my counselor? Initially She was working for a private counseling firm that contracts with the public schools to work with Medicaid-eligible children who need counseling. She had an office in a school in the north east corner of the county – the very white section where black people are discouraged from living. Boyd, the former Prospect student who didn’t bathe often enough, ran up to her in the hall, gave Rosie a big hug and told her how happy he is to be out of that awful school. He said his worst day was when Ernie slammed him up against a wall. Rosie said he just kept hugging her and hugging her. Rosie is now a teacher in a Special Education class.
Rex Stewart, my mentor? Rex moved from middle school principal to elementary school principal and just retired this year. He continues his work for local child advocacy as Chair of a local social services agency.
Lorayne, of tongue ring fame, who lives with her grandmother except for her stay in a foster home after she was found living with her forty-something “boy friend”?
Lorayne was sent to ESAK (the Ebencorp High School in Herald County) where she often missed classes due to her pregnancy.
Robyn, the girl who couldn’t find a quiet place to do her homework and was sent to live with her grandmother in Cincinnati? After she crawled out the bathroom window to play hooky one time too many, Grandma returned her to Florida. But her stepmother refused to let her live in the family’s trailer. The receptionist at the office where Robyn’s father works offered to have Robyn live with her. Robyn was sleeping on the receptionist’s couch and not going to school.
DerMarr, the 5th grader we put in a middle school classroom where his teacher, Jana, helped him grow from the student we almost rejected to our most improved student until his mother transferred him to public school prematurely? He spent most of the last two academic quarters suspended from school and thus failed to be promoted to 6th grade and, despite a previous retention and his large size, he was held back in 5th grade.
Tyryona, the aspiring actress living with her cousin? Tyryona did star in the play and my husband and I saw her stunning performance. There was one interruption half-way through the play when a very dressed up woman with a fancy hat made an entrance so dramatic it distracted from the performance. It was Tyryona’s mother. Tyryona didn’t last long with her cousin and shortly after the play, I heard Tyryona was bouncing from foster home to foster home.
Luke, with the hoop earrings and mother at McDonalds? Luke was sent to ESAK where he spends his afternoons in a “job training program” working in a fast food restaurant. I believe he is now at Popeye’s.
Darius, the gifted boy who lived in so many foster homes? The Boss had him arrested for throwing balled up paper at the bus driver. His foster mother washed her hands of him when she heard he was arrested so he was released to the Cressler House where he was involved in a fight, arrested again and found to have enough points to be held in the JDC (Juvenile Detention Center). When he was released he was sent to yet another foster home, this one in another county.
Perry, the boy who was raped as a preschooler? Perry spent 6 months in a boot camp and upon release was sent back to Prospect where he will stay until The Boss feels he is ready to return to public school. I think the odds are against that happening.
Warenita, the girl whose mother only needed one friend, Jesus? Mom lost her battle with drug addiction and also lost custody of her daughter. Warenita is living in a foster home attending ESAK.
Glenn, the unappealing boy who choked in our Geography Bee? His mother decided she couldn’t handle him and “gave him up to the system.” He has been moved from foster home to foster home. So far no foster family wants him.
Karla, the girl whose mother lives with the Rainbow People? Mom sent Karla to live with an aunt in Georgia. Karla and her cousin, the aunt’s daughter, ran away with the cousin’s boyfriend, a 24 year old man. They went to Ohio. The police followed them. The man was arrested. The cousin was sent home and her aunt promptly pulled her out of public school and sent her to a Catholic school. And Karla, she was arrested and sent to a juvenile detention center then onto a “program.” After three months she returned to Lakeboro and Prospect. For a few weeks she attended school regularly. Then she began getting on the bus and watching out the window intently for Lorayne illegally driving her boyfriend’s pick-up truck. At the next stop she’d dash off the bus as the sleepy eyed children tried to get on and run to join Lorayne. She did this on and off for a couple weeks, then stopped attending school at all. No one seemed to care or notice.
Mookie, the boy whose parents died of AIDS and who felt he had no future? We returned Mookie to public school at the end of the 2002-03 school year and so far he has not returned to Prospect. Fingers crossed, Mookie might just have a future after all.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Chapter Sixty-Two: Rumor Mill
Chapter 62: Rumor Mill
After I left Prospect, for a while my email box was full with stories from my former coworkers. Since they all knew I was writing about the experience, often the subject line would read: “Here’s one for your journal.” Frequently the emails would detail the same incident from with different points of view. Here’s what I hear:
On the first day at Prospect without me, The Boss arrived late, at 8:40, with an entourage of “Enforcers”, several large and muscular Ebencorp employees from other residential programs. He gathered everyone in the parking lot and told the team he didn’t know I was going to resign and didn’t want me to do so, but he and his boss Clyde, felt I was not taking this program (note his word choice: program, not school!) in the direction Ebencorp wants it to go, thus he is taking over. At 3:30 he gathered all the students in the parking lot and tells the children too that he didn’t want me to leave. One of the girls reportedly yells “bullshit.”
The Boss then announced some changes effective immediately: no more blue jeans, no more Activity Period and no more Friday Career Days. (He later told the staff he didn’t like Career Days because he was not comfortable with the public “coming on campus and sticking their noses in our business.” Lynne wondered what he had to hide.) He also announced he is starting a new punishment program with both after school and Saturday detention sessions.
The Boss’s unveiling of his plan was interrupted by Tiombe, a student not known for self-control. He began to loudly vent his opinion with some profanity-laced statements regarding these changes. Immediately two Ebencorp Enforcers flanked Tiombe. One grabbed his shirt and spun him around. The other slammed him against the fence by the ball field then both “got in his face” and began to shout at him. The other students watched in stunned silence. The Boss went on to announce that he was shortening the school day. Prospect would no longer run from 9:00-4:00. The new school hours would be 9:00-2:50. The students didn’t cheer but the staff did.
Tiombe was the first but not the last. The following day as students were getting off the bus in the morning, The Boss decided, seemingly impulsively, that boys could no longer wear any earrings. When Antwonn stepped off the bus, The Boss had two Ebencorp Enforcers demand Antwonn give up his earrings. Antwonn protested saying it was written in the Prospect handbook that two stud earrings were acceptable. Antwonn then bent over his three ring binder to find that paragraph in the handbook. One of the Ebencorp men grabbed Antwonn’s arms and pulled them behind his back while the other started to shout very close to his face. Antwonn dropped his notebook. Counselor Rusty, witnessing this, interceded and said he would take Antwonn’s earrings whispering to Antwonn that he was right about the rule, but better to give the earrings to Rusty now than … Antwonn handed Rusty his earrings.
Maybe when The Boss said I didn’t follow the Ebencorp way it was because I didn’t physically intimidate the children….
Odis arrived at school wearing blue jeans. When the Ebencorp duo began to yell at him he said his mother was angry that the dress code was changing in the middle of the year and she had bought him new blue jeans for school. This made the Ebencorp Enforcers angrier and Odis received the Tiombe treatment complete with up close shouting and fence slamming. In addition he was kept after school. When The Boss called Odis’s mother, she said she had no car and couldn’t come get him. The Boss had to drive Odis home in his car and got lost (Odis claims he “was playing” with The Boss and provided incorrect directions.) Odis got home at 7:00 pm.
On Friday The Boss kept five children after school for detention and was surprised again when none of their parents could or would come pick them up and he had to spend hours transporting them to all corners of Herald County. Funny about The Boss driving the students home in his car since Ebencorp’s own policy states that transporting students in a personal vehicle should be avoided.
Although I am no longer principal, I made promises to some of the boys about attending their football games that weekend, so on Saturday morning, off to Berke Jungers I go. The first Prospect person I run into is Rusty. He tells me he resigned the day before. The Boss asked him to reconsider but Rusty refused. He didn’t give The Boss an explanation beyond saying it was for his health, but Rusty says he couldn’t stand by and watch the abuse.
Rusty and I watch several football games. When Parker sees me he waves and at the end of his game the sweaty equipment-laden boy gives me a big hug saying “We miss you Ms. Smee.”
My wonderful business manager, Lynne, emails me daily for some time:
Monday:
The Boss has decided he will take attendance himself since he wants the data before 10:00 am and feels our method is too slow. I think he isn’t used to a school with so many students! He first tried to take attendance as the children got off the busses. That didn’t work! He didn’t have a headcount for Shasta in time for her to pick up lunches and when she asked he got mad.
Tuesday:
The Boss told Rosie she is not a good teacher and she should look for work elsewhere and if she did he would write her a recommendation. Rosie cried.
The Boss left campus and returned with rakes, dozens of rakes. All day kids are out raking. There are no lessons, no counseling, just raking.
Wednesday:
The Boss told the team no more morning meetings and they don’t need to arrive to work at 8:00 anymore. He says “you can arrive whenever, just be here by 9:00.”
The Boss isn’t getting the attendance done until early afternoon and Henry’s secretary has been phoning saying they need me to input the attendance earlier. I explained about the “new” procedure…
Thursday:
Most of the team decided they still wanted to have morning meetings even if The Boss didn’t mandate them or chair them. They arrive at 8:00 and start the meeting, but when The Boss comes in (about 8:30) he tells them they are not to meet and he doesn’t want them coming into this portable because they disturb him.
That new math teacher you hired to replace Valerie called in sick. (That would be ZG, the zany guy.) The Boss called him at home and insisted he come to work right away, sick or not. Later I find a note taped to the door from the new math teacher – it is his resignation! The Boss told me we need to hire staff and I should put an advertisement in the local paper. I printed the text from one you and I developed but he crossed out the part about “college degree and teacher certification required.” He said to describe the job as “redirection.” I guess you don’t need a college degree to supervise raking.
Friday:
The Boss forgot to call the Career Day people on the list you gave him so they showed up this morning and he told them Career Days are cancelled. As far as I can see everything is cancelled. All the kids do is rake. Oh and The Boss suggested if they do a good job raking then teachers should show movies!
When I asked The Boss for the attendance today he told me he isn’t going to do it anymore and we’ll go back to the old way, but since we don’t have meetings anymore, none of the teachers know this and so no attendance was taken today. Oh and The Boss hired his first new employee today: Ernie! I started to tell The Boss about some of the Ernie problems but he told me Ernie is a big, muscular man and that you, Kathleen, just didn’t know how to handle him!
Monday:
The Boss has left Ernie in charge of the campus! Ernie is strutting around making up policies and threatening children. The kids rake and no one takes attendance.
Tuesday:
Rosie was trying to hold classes this morning. It’s hard since the girls would rather be raking. Ernie came in the class and decided to remove six girls for rake duty. They were happy to go. The Boss showed up on campus about 2:00 and told Rosie how pleased he was that she was starting to kick more girls out of class for misbehavior. Rosie told him she hadn’t kicked them out and she wasn’t sure why or how Ernie chose them for rake duty. The Boss looked disappointed.
Wednesday:
I gave my resignation to The Boss today. Now both my husband and I are unemployed but I just can’t take this anymore!
After I left Prospect, for a while my email box was full with stories from my former coworkers. Since they all knew I was writing about the experience, often the subject line would read: “Here’s one for your journal.” Frequently the emails would detail the same incident from with different points of view. Here’s what I hear:
On the first day at Prospect without me, The Boss arrived late, at 8:40, with an entourage of “Enforcers”, several large and muscular Ebencorp employees from other residential programs. He gathered everyone in the parking lot and told the team he didn’t know I was going to resign and didn’t want me to do so, but he and his boss Clyde, felt I was not taking this program (note his word choice: program, not school!) in the direction Ebencorp wants it to go, thus he is taking over. At 3:30 he gathered all the students in the parking lot and tells the children too that he didn’t want me to leave. One of the girls reportedly yells “bullshit.”
The Boss then announced some changes effective immediately: no more blue jeans, no more Activity Period and no more Friday Career Days. (He later told the staff he didn’t like Career Days because he was not comfortable with the public “coming on campus and sticking their noses in our business.” Lynne wondered what he had to hide.) He also announced he is starting a new punishment program with both after school and Saturday detention sessions.
The Boss’s unveiling of his plan was interrupted by Tiombe, a student not known for self-control. He began to loudly vent his opinion with some profanity-laced statements regarding these changes. Immediately two Ebencorp Enforcers flanked Tiombe. One grabbed his shirt and spun him around. The other slammed him against the fence by the ball field then both “got in his face” and began to shout at him. The other students watched in stunned silence. The Boss went on to announce that he was shortening the school day. Prospect would no longer run from 9:00-4:00. The new school hours would be 9:00-2:50. The students didn’t cheer but the staff did.
Tiombe was the first but not the last. The following day as students were getting off the bus in the morning, The Boss decided, seemingly impulsively, that boys could no longer wear any earrings. When Antwonn stepped off the bus, The Boss had two Ebencorp Enforcers demand Antwonn give up his earrings. Antwonn protested saying it was written in the Prospect handbook that two stud earrings were acceptable. Antwonn then bent over his three ring binder to find that paragraph in the handbook. One of the Ebencorp men grabbed Antwonn’s arms and pulled them behind his back while the other started to shout very close to his face. Antwonn dropped his notebook. Counselor Rusty, witnessing this, interceded and said he would take Antwonn’s earrings whispering to Antwonn that he was right about the rule, but better to give the earrings to Rusty now than … Antwonn handed Rusty his earrings.
Maybe when The Boss said I didn’t follow the Ebencorp way it was because I didn’t physically intimidate the children….
Odis arrived at school wearing blue jeans. When the Ebencorp duo began to yell at him he said his mother was angry that the dress code was changing in the middle of the year and she had bought him new blue jeans for school. This made the Ebencorp Enforcers angrier and Odis received the Tiombe treatment complete with up close shouting and fence slamming. In addition he was kept after school. When The Boss called Odis’s mother, she said she had no car and couldn’t come get him. The Boss had to drive Odis home in his car and got lost (Odis claims he “was playing” with The Boss and provided incorrect directions.) Odis got home at 7:00 pm.
On Friday The Boss kept five children after school for detention and was surprised again when none of their parents could or would come pick them up and he had to spend hours transporting them to all corners of Herald County. Funny about The Boss driving the students home in his car since Ebencorp’s own policy states that transporting students in a personal vehicle should be avoided.
Although I am no longer principal, I made promises to some of the boys about attending their football games that weekend, so on Saturday morning, off to Berke Jungers I go. The first Prospect person I run into is Rusty. He tells me he resigned the day before. The Boss asked him to reconsider but Rusty refused. He didn’t give The Boss an explanation beyond saying it was for his health, but Rusty says he couldn’t stand by and watch the abuse.
Rusty and I watch several football games. When Parker sees me he waves and at the end of his game the sweaty equipment-laden boy gives me a big hug saying “We miss you Ms. Smee.”
My wonderful business manager, Lynne, emails me daily for some time:
Monday:
The Boss has decided he will take attendance himself since he wants the data before 10:00 am and feels our method is too slow. I think he isn’t used to a school with so many students! He first tried to take attendance as the children got off the busses. That didn’t work! He didn’t have a headcount for Shasta in time for her to pick up lunches and when she asked he got mad.
Tuesday:
The Boss told Rosie she is not a good teacher and she should look for work elsewhere and if she did he would write her a recommendation. Rosie cried.
The Boss left campus and returned with rakes, dozens of rakes. All day kids are out raking. There are no lessons, no counseling, just raking.
Wednesday:
The Boss told the team no more morning meetings and they don’t need to arrive to work at 8:00 anymore. He says “you can arrive whenever, just be here by 9:00.”
The Boss isn’t getting the attendance done until early afternoon and Henry’s secretary has been phoning saying they need me to input the attendance earlier. I explained about the “new” procedure…
Thursday:
Most of the team decided they still wanted to have morning meetings even if The Boss didn’t mandate them or chair them. They arrive at 8:00 and start the meeting, but when The Boss comes in (about 8:30) he tells them they are not to meet and he doesn’t want them coming into this portable because they disturb him.
That new math teacher you hired to replace Valerie called in sick. (That would be ZG, the zany guy.) The Boss called him at home and insisted he come to work right away, sick or not. Later I find a note taped to the door from the new math teacher – it is his resignation! The Boss told me we need to hire staff and I should put an advertisement in the local paper. I printed the text from one you and I developed but he crossed out the part about “college degree and teacher certification required.” He said to describe the job as “redirection.” I guess you don’t need a college degree to supervise raking.
Friday:
The Boss forgot to call the Career Day people on the list you gave him so they showed up this morning and he told them Career Days are cancelled. As far as I can see everything is cancelled. All the kids do is rake. Oh and The Boss suggested if they do a good job raking then teachers should show movies!
When I asked The Boss for the attendance today he told me he isn’t going to do it anymore and we’ll go back to the old way, but since we don’t have meetings anymore, none of the teachers know this and so no attendance was taken today. Oh and The Boss hired his first new employee today: Ernie! I started to tell The Boss about some of the Ernie problems but he told me Ernie is a big, muscular man and that you, Kathleen, just didn’t know how to handle him!
Monday:
The Boss has left Ernie in charge of the campus! Ernie is strutting around making up policies and threatening children. The kids rake and no one takes attendance.
Tuesday:
Rosie was trying to hold classes this morning. It’s hard since the girls would rather be raking. Ernie came in the class and decided to remove six girls for rake duty. They were happy to go. The Boss showed up on campus about 2:00 and told Rosie how pleased he was that she was starting to kick more girls out of class for misbehavior. Rosie told him she hadn’t kicked them out and she wasn’t sure why or how Ernie chose them for rake duty. The Boss looked disappointed.
Wednesday:
I gave my resignation to The Boss today. Now both my husband and I are unemployed but I just can’t take this anymore!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Chapter Sixty-One: Game Over
Chapter 61: Game Over
I park the Saturn, loaded with the contents of my office (minus the books and games that wouldn’t fit) outside Books-a-Million and I phone my husband. I coach myself on being brave but when I tell him, I cry.
I try to stop because I can hear the pain in his voice, a pain that he isn’t here to hold me, hug me or comfort me. He works to reassure me with his words: it will be okay, this is for the best, now you can write your book. I choke back the rest of the crying to keep my husband from hurting more.
When I get home, and unpack the car and sit alone on the bed in my beautiful new Florida home that now I might not be able to afford, I cry the rest of the tears, surprised to find there are so many. All the sobs I stifled and swallowed whole, all the unwept tears I trapped and denied, they all rush forward like the opening of a lock on a canal. I cry tears of self-pity, tears of boss loathing and tears of suffering children. I cry tears of frustration, failure and confusion, tears of anger, hate, loss and even loneliness. I cry tears of despair, desperation and the deep depths of depression. I cry me a river.
Then I stop. I have heard that crying depletes the immune system and I don’t want to get sick – I force this somewhat specious notion to triumph over my out-of-control emotions. The tears, like the rushing water in the canal locks, make changes to ensure smooth sailing forward on my journey. I reshape the rest of my tears into words: words for my journal, words for my book, words for emails, words to cope.
I park the Saturn, loaded with the contents of my office (minus the books and games that wouldn’t fit) outside Books-a-Million and I phone my husband. I coach myself on being brave but when I tell him, I cry.
I try to stop because I can hear the pain in his voice, a pain that he isn’t here to hold me, hug me or comfort me. He works to reassure me with his words: it will be okay, this is for the best, now you can write your book. I choke back the rest of the crying to keep my husband from hurting more.
When I get home, and unpack the car and sit alone on the bed in my beautiful new Florida home that now I might not be able to afford, I cry the rest of the tears, surprised to find there are so many. All the sobs I stifled and swallowed whole, all the unwept tears I trapped and denied, they all rush forward like the opening of a lock on a canal. I cry tears of self-pity, tears of boss loathing and tears of suffering children. I cry tears of frustration, failure and confusion, tears of anger, hate, loss and even loneliness. I cry tears of despair, desperation and the deep depths of depression. I cry me a river.
Then I stop. I have heard that crying depletes the immune system and I don’t want to get sick – I force this somewhat specious notion to triumph over my out-of-control emotions. The tears, like the rushing water in the canal locks, make changes to ensure smooth sailing forward on my journey. I reshape the rest of my tears into words: words for my journal, words for my book, words for emails, words to cope.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Chapter Sixty: The Last Epiphany
Chapter 60: The Last Epiphany
I ran a 10K race recently and somehow in the course of running, I got this mistaken idea that a 10K race was equivalent to 6.4 miles. Maybe all the blood was being rerouted to my legs rather than to my brain, but whatever my excuse, when I turned a corner and suddenly saw the finish line, I was upset. If it hadn’t been a hidden finish and if I had realized a 10K equals only 6.2, not 6.4 miles, I could have run a better time. I still had a reserve of unused energy and moreover I’d been practicing my sprints to the finish line. While I was annoyed at the race organizers for hiding the finish line around a corner, I was more annoyed at myself for not realizing the end was so near.
When the 2003 school year started, I hoped my principalship at Prospect would last at least the academic year. But I was wrong and, as with the 10K, I just couldn’t see the finish line.
But first, Valerie, Rita Mae and Jordan give me their two week notice.
Valerie, who I hired last year as the Title One Math teacher, returned this year to be a classroom teacher only because I begged her to do so. She teaches math and science but keeps telling me to look for a replacement. I find this sort of zany guy (ZG) who might work out, but I keep hoping Valerie will stay. Today she makes it clear, she won’t. Okay, I can get a grip and hire ZG.
I had no warning and can’t get a grip about Rita Mae. My all-girl teacher is leaving Prospect to go teach at ESAK?! When she tells me I am speechless. At first I think it is a joke, but her face and tone are anything but joking. Henry, my public school liaison, has frequently quoted Rocky, (principal of ESAK) as saying he is impressed by the caliber of the teachers I hire. I give Henry my “secret” of posting job openings on the web site “teach-in-florida.com” but Rocky doesn’t use it – he continues to rely on ads in the local paper with predictably poor results. But now I guess Rocky found a new technique: recruit my Prospect teachers.
A couple weeks ago, Marci, my permanent substitute, told me Rocky called her and asked if she would come to ESAK. She told him no and reported the conversation to me. He then apparently contacted Rita Mae and offered her more pay. She is a single parent; he made her an offer she couldn’t refuse. I call The Boss. ESAK and Prospect share the same parent company, is this ethical? The Boss tells me Rocky denies contacting Rita Mae, one of his employees did it. I just need to deal with it.
Rita Mae is overheard saying she is leaving because the girls are so bad and she doesn’t get any support from Rusty, Rosie or me. Maybe she feels guilty saying she is leaving for more money; maybe there is truth in both tales. But sadly, not only do I overhear her but, the girls hear it as well. Girl wars break out in Rita Mae’s classroom. One group of girls shouts they hate her and they are glad she is leaving, the rest of the girls shout how much they love her and never before has a teacher cared so much for them and they love the all-girls class and they know Rita Mae is leaving because of those other girls, the bad ones. Different days different girls join different sides of this argument. I do a lot of running to Rita Mae’s class and suddenly it is rare not to have a surly group of misbehaving girls scowling in my office. I am mad at Rita Mae for revealing her intentions to her class so soon. I am mad at her for leaving. I am mad.
Meanwhile, for future daughter-in-law Sarah’s last two weeks at Prospect she is never without another adult in the classroom and thus survives to her wedding date without any further violence. She departs on a Wednesday. I leave the following evening, feeling guilty at taking off even one day to attend the wedding of my son and Sarah in Maryland. But before I leave, Jordan, my brave and brilliant elementary teacher, tells me he and his wife have decided to move back to Alabama to care for his dying father. How can you beg someone to stay who is prioritizing his family over his career? I fly north wondering how to find a Title One Reading teacher to replace Sarah, an all-girls teacher to replace Rita Mae, an elementary teacher to replace Jordan and worrying whether ZG will work out with Valerie’s class.
My day off for the wedding was approved in advance by The Boss, but that doesn’t stop him from phoning me Friday morning. I tell him I am in the church in the middle of my son’s wedding rehearsal. He says fine, this is urgent, then proceeds to discuss Rusty’s health problems. As he talks I picture my insides turning to dust, crumbling and raining down to my feet so that when he is done I am just a pile of small pebbles and sand.
The morning of the wedding of my only child, I go to a college track and run. It is cold in Maryland in October, but I run fast and faster, twenty times around the track. A track lets you run without thinking about running, no cars to dodge or people who wave. I run and ruminate to the rhythm of my Asics on the rubbery synthetic-surface track.
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
First lap and I calculate that for nearly a year and a half I have been searching for solutions, now I am searching for an exit. As principal at Prospect, I am perpetrating the myth of the acceptability of a separate education. I am part of the problem. I think of that saying “when you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas.” What I am doing is not good for my students, my staff or for me. I need to work to abolish this system, not tweak it and make superficial improvements. It is wrong to remove the troubled children from school and put them all in a separate, non-public school. No two ways about it, it is wrong. Prospect is not now, nor ever can be, a good place for children or teachers. I’ve left jobs before, but never without another job lined up. But how much longer can I stay in this situation?
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
Next lap I envision trying to explain my departure to Darius, Karla, Mookie. How can I abandon them? Am I trying to rationalize quitting because the job is too hard, The Boss too difficult? I’ve had hard jobs before. I should not give up.
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
Around the track again, each lap takes less than two minutes. Now I am thinking about my family. The husband I only see on weekends because I took this crazy job. The son who has a distracted empty shell of a mother at his wedding, the same mother who allowed his young bride to be assaulted.
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
I see bills. The bills for the mortgage on our new house. The bills for student loans for our son’s Ivy league education. The bills for all those flights up and down the east coast so my husband and I could see each other. How do we pay these bills if I’m not getting paid? While both of the two alternative schools that wanted to open in Herald County have expressed a strong desire to hire me as their principal, the school board rejected their applications and insisted some unrealistic demands be met before either could reapply. Thus it is unlikely either of these companies will choose to open a school in Herald County. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and I want to write about this experience, but such a risk, such a leap of faith!
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
Running on this track is a relief for my pavement-pounded knees and feet. I could ease the wear and tear by running on trails, but I’m afraid I’ll lose my footing on a root, hole or stone and I don’t want to fall. Several years ago a boss told me I wasn’t a risk taker. That criticism has stuck with me. Am I utterly stodgy? A stick-in-the-mud old lady who needs her half glass of milk at 3:00 p.m. and can’t sleep without her own pillow? That isn’t how I see myself, but now I worry I’ve taken too big a risk, too many risks, and I am scared. Suddenly my life is riddled with roots, holes and stones and I find myself deep in the woods on a trail far from any paved road. And I am so scared of falling.
When I return to Prospect, Rita Mae leaves, then Valerie (ZG can’t start yet). Shortly thereafter, Jordan leaves.
Rosie volunteers to cover the all girls’ class temporarily but she makes it clear she got her Master’s degree in Social Work because she wants to be a counselor, not a teacher. The teachers are all upset because without a Title One teacher they aren’t getting their breaks and now with only one Counselor, they are having a harder time getting students removed from their classroom. Rusty is upset since with Rosie teaching, he has to handle all the troubled students alone. Things are falling apart and the center cannot hold. In my search for solutions I stop sleeping. I reluctantly call on The Boss for help. He promises to send counselors from other programs, but forgets his promise. I call him again. The Boss sends a counselor and then he comes to campus too. He delivers an ultimatum: he is going to take over the school. I can resign or I can work under him and if I choose the latter that means I will no longer be the principal and I must do everything he says and never question him.
I resign.
I ran a 10K race recently and somehow in the course of running, I got this mistaken idea that a 10K race was equivalent to 6.4 miles. Maybe all the blood was being rerouted to my legs rather than to my brain, but whatever my excuse, when I turned a corner and suddenly saw the finish line, I was upset. If it hadn’t been a hidden finish and if I had realized a 10K equals only 6.2, not 6.4 miles, I could have run a better time. I still had a reserve of unused energy and moreover I’d been practicing my sprints to the finish line. While I was annoyed at the race organizers for hiding the finish line around a corner, I was more annoyed at myself for not realizing the end was so near.
When the 2003 school year started, I hoped my principalship at Prospect would last at least the academic year. But I was wrong and, as with the 10K, I just couldn’t see the finish line.
But first, Valerie, Rita Mae and Jordan give me their two week notice.
Valerie, who I hired last year as the Title One Math teacher, returned this year to be a classroom teacher only because I begged her to do so. She teaches math and science but keeps telling me to look for a replacement. I find this sort of zany guy (ZG) who might work out, but I keep hoping Valerie will stay. Today she makes it clear, she won’t. Okay, I can get a grip and hire ZG.
I had no warning and can’t get a grip about Rita Mae. My all-girl teacher is leaving Prospect to go teach at ESAK?! When she tells me I am speechless. At first I think it is a joke, but her face and tone are anything but joking. Henry, my public school liaison, has frequently quoted Rocky, (principal of ESAK) as saying he is impressed by the caliber of the teachers I hire. I give Henry my “secret” of posting job openings on the web site “teach-in-florida.com” but Rocky doesn’t use it – he continues to rely on ads in the local paper with predictably poor results. But now I guess Rocky found a new technique: recruit my Prospect teachers.
A couple weeks ago, Marci, my permanent substitute, told me Rocky called her and asked if she would come to ESAK. She told him no and reported the conversation to me. He then apparently contacted Rita Mae and offered her more pay. She is a single parent; he made her an offer she couldn’t refuse. I call The Boss. ESAK and Prospect share the same parent company, is this ethical? The Boss tells me Rocky denies contacting Rita Mae, one of his employees did it. I just need to deal with it.
Rita Mae is overheard saying she is leaving because the girls are so bad and she doesn’t get any support from Rusty, Rosie or me. Maybe she feels guilty saying she is leaving for more money; maybe there is truth in both tales. But sadly, not only do I overhear her but, the girls hear it as well. Girl wars break out in Rita Mae’s classroom. One group of girls shouts they hate her and they are glad she is leaving, the rest of the girls shout how much they love her and never before has a teacher cared so much for them and they love the all-girls class and they know Rita Mae is leaving because of those other girls, the bad ones. Different days different girls join different sides of this argument. I do a lot of running to Rita Mae’s class and suddenly it is rare not to have a surly group of misbehaving girls scowling in my office. I am mad at Rita Mae for revealing her intentions to her class so soon. I am mad at her for leaving. I am mad.
Meanwhile, for future daughter-in-law Sarah’s last two weeks at Prospect she is never without another adult in the classroom and thus survives to her wedding date without any further violence. She departs on a Wednesday. I leave the following evening, feeling guilty at taking off even one day to attend the wedding of my son and Sarah in Maryland. But before I leave, Jordan, my brave and brilliant elementary teacher, tells me he and his wife have decided to move back to Alabama to care for his dying father. How can you beg someone to stay who is prioritizing his family over his career? I fly north wondering how to find a Title One Reading teacher to replace Sarah, an all-girls teacher to replace Rita Mae, an elementary teacher to replace Jordan and worrying whether ZG will work out with Valerie’s class.
My day off for the wedding was approved in advance by The Boss, but that doesn’t stop him from phoning me Friday morning. I tell him I am in the church in the middle of my son’s wedding rehearsal. He says fine, this is urgent, then proceeds to discuss Rusty’s health problems. As he talks I picture my insides turning to dust, crumbling and raining down to my feet so that when he is done I am just a pile of small pebbles and sand.
The morning of the wedding of my only child, I go to a college track and run. It is cold in Maryland in October, but I run fast and faster, twenty times around the track. A track lets you run without thinking about running, no cars to dodge or people who wave. I run and ruminate to the rhythm of my Asics on the rubbery synthetic-surface track.
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
First lap and I calculate that for nearly a year and a half I have been searching for solutions, now I am searching for an exit. As principal at Prospect, I am perpetrating the myth of the acceptability of a separate education. I am part of the problem. I think of that saying “when you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas.” What I am doing is not good for my students, my staff or for me. I need to work to abolish this system, not tweak it and make superficial improvements. It is wrong to remove the troubled children from school and put them all in a separate, non-public school. No two ways about it, it is wrong. Prospect is not now, nor ever can be, a good place for children or teachers. I’ve left jobs before, but never without another job lined up. But how much longer can I stay in this situation?
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
Next lap I envision trying to explain my departure to Darius, Karla, Mookie. How can I abandon them? Am I trying to rationalize quitting because the job is too hard, The Boss too difficult? I’ve had hard jobs before. I should not give up.
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
Around the track again, each lap takes less than two minutes. Now I am thinking about my family. The husband I only see on weekends because I took this crazy job. The son who has a distracted empty shell of a mother at his wedding, the same mother who allowed his young bride to be assaulted.
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
I see bills. The bills for the mortgage on our new house. The bills for student loans for our son’s Ivy league education. The bills for all those flights up and down the east coast so my husband and I could see each other. How do we pay these bills if I’m not getting paid? While both of the two alternative schools that wanted to open in Herald County have expressed a strong desire to hire me as their principal, the school board rejected their applications and insisted some unrealistic demands be met before either could reapply. Thus it is unlikely either of these companies will choose to open a school in Herald County. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and I want to write about this experience, but such a risk, such a leap of faith!
plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap - plap - plap -plap - plap
Running on this track is a relief for my pavement-pounded knees and feet. I could ease the wear and tear by running on trails, but I’m afraid I’ll lose my footing on a root, hole or stone and I don’t want to fall. Several years ago a boss told me I wasn’t a risk taker. That criticism has stuck with me. Am I utterly stodgy? A stick-in-the-mud old lady who needs her half glass of milk at 3:00 p.m. and can’t sleep without her own pillow? That isn’t how I see myself, but now I worry I’ve taken too big a risk, too many risks, and I am scared. Suddenly my life is riddled with roots, holes and stones and I find myself deep in the woods on a trail far from any paved road. And I am so scared of falling.
When I return to Prospect, Rita Mae leaves, then Valerie (ZG can’t start yet). Shortly thereafter, Jordan leaves.
Rosie volunteers to cover the all girls’ class temporarily but she makes it clear she got her Master’s degree in Social Work because she wants to be a counselor, not a teacher. The teachers are all upset because without a Title One teacher they aren’t getting their breaks and now with only one Counselor, they are having a harder time getting students removed from their classroom. Rusty is upset since with Rosie teaching, he has to handle all the troubled students alone. Things are falling apart and the center cannot hold. In my search for solutions I stop sleeping. I reluctantly call on The Boss for help. He promises to send counselors from other programs, but forgets his promise. I call him again. The Boss sends a counselor and then he comes to campus too. He delivers an ultimatum: he is going to take over the school. I can resign or I can work under him and if I choose the latter that means I will no longer be the principal and I must do everything he says and never question him.
I resign.
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